Dinner Time Blues

For 26+ years, Crisis Navigation Partner® Debra Woog has guided leaders to identify their brilliance and how to apply it to their careers and personal lives. She has developed assessments and matrixes and videos and training programs. Her ability to help others lighten their loads by leaning into their best selves is part of her own brilliance, and for decades she has been shining it for her clients, friends, and family.

You'd think that by now she knows herself inside and out. Yet only recently, during one of our meetings, she seemed to have an epiphany:

"Maybe breaking down operations into clear steps and prioritizing tasks are part of my brilliance. If that's so, I have to stop expecting everyone else on our team to do these too."

When I affirmed that these skills are indeed part of her brilliance, she breathed a sigh of relief and released frustration. While she has always acknowledged and appreciated that we each have our own strengths, she suddenly recognized her tacit, futile expectation that everyone else demonstrates her gifts as well.

When something comes easy to you, you often assume that it comes that easily to everyone. The reality is that, most of the time, it doesn't. Naming and remembering our individual strengths empowers us to function more smoothly, at work and at home.

Early in our marriage, my husband Rob did most of the cooking for us because he enjoyed it far more than I did. Once I started staying home with our young children, however, it made sense for me to take over. I mastered the classic, child-friendly grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, and mac n cheese. I cut fresh fruit and veggies. Weekend mornings, I handled pancakes. Rob still cooked our staple eggs and soy bacon.

As the kids' nutritional needs and tastes evolved, I followed meal-planning blogs and recipe websites. I tried dishes that my children liked from restaurants and friends' homes. I shopped and chopped and sauteed and roasted. Yet most nights, a maximum of one of our kids enjoyed the results of my labor.

As dinnertime neared at an afternoon playdate, my friend Sheri opened my not-very-well-stocked cabinets and fridge. Her instincts took over and voila! Before I knew it, she had whipped up delicious salmon croquettes (and sides!) that all our children ate with zero complaints. My brain simply doesn't generate menu ideas and cooking strategies with joy and ease.

Over the years, I've learned to stick to the few dishes I do reasonably well and turn over most cooking to people who enjoy the process much more. Especially when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, knowing that Rob or others can handle meal prep frees my energy for elsewhere.

When our empty nest was repopulated over the recent winter holidays, I felt incredibly stressed about feeding everyone. My daughter said, "You don't have to cook for everyone. We can take care of ourselves." (What??? Really?) "You really don't like doing it and we don't mind."

What did I do instead? I spent hours with our 10-month-old grandson playing, singing, bathing, feeding, changing, and napping providing everything a baby needs to thrive. It all came so easily to me that our time just flew.

At the end of the visit Rob said, "You're so good at taking care of babies and young children. It comes so easily to you." Although my first instinct was to say, "No, everyone is," instead I acknowledged "Yes, I am." In addition to raising our little ones, I've spent 15 years working in classrooms. Others have also expressed amazement at me, saying that does not come easily to them, much the same way I am awed by Sheri.

We all have strengths and gifts that come naturally to us. While it's easy to assume everyone has the same ones as us, it's important to remember that for our society to thrive we need each person's unique contributions. That's what makes our world go round!

How do you let people in your life use their strengths to support you? How do you use yours to support them? Please tell us in the comments below!

And if you're struggling to answer, reach out to explore adding a Connect2 Crisis Navigation Partner® to your team. We're here for you!