When Crisis Pushes Adulting Into Overadulting
Children often envision adulthood as doing whatever they want, whenever they want: wearing PJs all day, eating cereal for dinner, and staying up late watching TV. Based on the experience of every adult we know, however, most Adulting is far less fun. Inevitably, as circumstances converge into crisis, making and executing hard decisions becomes a heavy load. When the stress of that load outweighs our joy for longer than a day or two, we may have tumbled into Overadulting mode.
Overadulting is a state of action that can emerge when untenable internal beliefs, difficult people, unfortunate circumstances, or broken systems take over our typical daily agenda. It's Adulting on steroids, which often stretches us beyond healthy limits. With more to handle than we can on our own, we can suffer mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Let's look at Jack and Jill to illustrate Overadulting and its impact.
Jack and Jill have been married for 40+ years. Historically, they've shared the Adulting responsibilities so neither has frequently needed to Overadult. When Jack develops dementia, however, he becomes Person Zero in their family crisis. Jill lovingly becomes his Point Person, juggling management of Jack's care along with her responsibilities as a corporate executive, all while experiencing her own emotions and trying to take care of her own health.
This is an overwhelming combination, especially when combined with Jack and Jill's grief. The extra load for Jill as Point Person may lead to her to over/undereat, over/undersleep, exhibit avoidant or addictive behaviors, and/or shut down. She may become unable to keep up with calls, texts, and regular to-do items.
Despite her best attempts to take care of everything on her own, Jill is only one human. Like anyone solely managing a crisis, Jill risks Overadulting to the point of burnout or the gradual erosion of joy, play, and presence, also known as "rust out."
What Crisis Navigation Partners® Can Do for Jill
We Crisis Navigation Partners® are here for Jill and all the working women like her who inadvertently get drawn into Overadulting mode. We help Jill distinguish between the real demands on her to Adult and any unrealistic self-expectations that may push her into Overadulting. Typically we begin by helping Jill prioritize what needs to get handled first. We seek to support Jill emotionally, tactically, and strategically, including
- Preparing to break hard news to loved ones
- Attending Jack's medical appointments as an additional pair of eyes, ears, and hands
- Regularly checking in on Jill's well-being
- Arranging respite care so Jill can take breaks to exercise and visit her friends
- Introducing Jill to well-vetted resources
- Conducting research to evaluate potential treatment and housing programs
In doing so, we free more of Jill's valuable time to work and be present for Jack, herself, and others who depend on her.
If you're a Point Person, let us help you consider what support would feel most beneficial to you right now. With that in mind, you'll be able to choose where to put your own precious energy.
Keep an eye out for our upcoming article on how Hypercompetence can drive us to Overadult. For a preview of this concept, take our no-cost "Do You Have 'Need-to-Be Wonder Woman' Complex?" quiz to learn your primary Competence Type and uncover what may block your brilliance as you face a crisis.
